002 Your Toddler Needs Attachment

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One benefit of Secure attachment with parents rather than peers: 

Secure attachment improves resilience to bullying

Parents as the Safe-haven 

Teen Suicide after bullying because of peer dependence 

Homeschooled kids are often more securely attached to parents

Parents can be a Secure Base to explore the world. 

Attachment comes first before confident exploring

Early on, parents should foster a healthy dependence by meeting their needs in an attuned way. 

Milton Erickson stages: First task: Trust vs Mistrust

Safe Haven allows forays into independence with a safety net. 

Goal of adulthood is not to be independent, but to be healthfully interdependent after independence established. 

Babies need lots of body connection and touch through the touch pressure relationship. 

Book Recommendation: Dr Gordon Neufeld Hold on to Your Kids. 

Foster healthy independence. 

Joan’s big mistake as a brand new teen mother. 

Old school survival technique was not to validate emotions.

Thankful for modeling from mature mothers. 

Routine helps to foster attachment. 

Nursing or holding bottle better than propping bottle. 

Toddlers identifying with parents increases with attachment. 

Parents need to be benevolent and strong to inspire toddlers identification. 

Example of strong and benevolence. 

Timing is very important when enforcing boundaries. 

Parents need to respond quickly to disobedience with strength and benevolence. 

When you give a command and you follow through, the child’s trust in you increases. The attachment increases. 

Having a three-year old to make decisions in the family is an undue burden. 

Boys who get away with ignoring their mothers disrespect women when older. 

Don’t ask children to process in the moment when upset. 

Can’t do the long drawn out explanations with young, upset children. 

Examples of how good boundaries keep everyone safe and productive: Dairy cows and bad fences. 

Training horses and how much easier not to allow pattern in the first place. 

French parenting with firm boundaries. 

Low levels of ADHD in French children. 

No time on screens

Children connect to extended family

Day care research on attachment. 

Spontaneously respond to children before they make a bid for connection. 

Offer attention before children are deprived.